**Warning this post is going to contain lots of fucking vulgar language.  Like . . . . . tons!  So to my mom, “I’m sorry.”  The events listed below were a traumatic experience for my friends and I, and swearing is the only way to effectively describe it.  We still laugh uncontrollably when we reminisce about this camel riding experience in Egypt.  Now, let’s fucking begin! (oh shit, there’s another curse word).

Before our recent trip to Egypt, I was reading online that you could take a camel ride through the desert around the Pyramids.  I thought to myself, “cool, what an awesome experience!”  Unfortunately our experience wasn’t awesome. Now that it’s over, it makes for a funny story though.

After a long day exploring around the Pyramids, which Rachel talked about HERE, we headed towards a viewing point.  This vantage point provided some awesome views of the pyramids.  We were able to take a few good pics with our friends Adam & Lauren there.

It also provided a nice backdrop for Adam to take some great “jumping” pictures.  You know, the same ones that all of the super cheesy tourists take!

After we snapped some pics, it was time to board our camels to take a stroll through the desert.  As we headed towards our camels, Rachel made it clear that she was not interested in riding another one, especially after her experience in Dubai (refresh your memory by reading about it HERE).  She hates the mistreatment of animals for the benefit of tourists.

As we were walking towards our camels, I’ll never forget Adam saying, “I hope I get Angry Arnold” with a laughter in his voice.  Famous.  Last.  Words.

We were all pretty excited as we hopped on our camels.

 

Once we were all up on our camels, they tied them together in a line.  Lauren was first, I was next, then Adam was in the back.  We were led through the desert by an 18 year old kid, who was holding onto Lauren’s camel with one hand and a whip in his other.  Rachel hopped back in our minivan and drove back to the Pyramids, where we had planned to meet her in about 30 minutes.

If you have never been on a camel, it is actually pretty tricky to ride.  There isn’t a saddle to put your feet in to help balance, and it’s a really bumpy, uncomfortable ride.  However when you took a look around, and realized that you were in the middle of the desert, on camels, heading towards the Great Pyramids, you realize that this is a pretty sweet experience!

Our camel ride was off to a great start!  We even stopped about half way and had our camel guy take a few pics for us!

It was at this half-way point when things started to go sour with our ride.  Before our camel guy took our pictures, he wanted to line them up just perfectly with the Pyramids in the background.  In order to accomplish this, much to our disgust, he began whipping the crap out of them until they were just perfect.  We all looked at each other with wide eyes, and gave the look of, “what the hell is this guy doing!”  The camels did not appreciate the whipping either, and were making goofy sounds and started acting strange.  We immediately interjected, because we couldn’t handle witnessing this abuse any longer!

After a few pictures, we resumed our trek towards the Pyramids.  Suddenly I noticed that Adam’s camel was biting the thick-burlap blanket on MY camel!  I’m sure he was getting a little piece of my camel’s skin each time too, because I could tell my camel was starting to get pissed off.

Here’s Adam’s camel: Angry Arnold which started all of the ruckus!

After my camel was bitten a few times in the ass, he had a major meltdown!  Out of nowhere, he put his head down, leaned forward, and bit Lauren’s camel right in the thigh!  AND DIDN’T LET GO!!!!!!!!!

LET THE CHAOS ENSUE!

• Lauren’s camel begin moaning and making some of the most awful sounds I’ve ever heard come from a living creature.
• I started yelling at my camel and kicking him in the neck so he would let go of Lauren’s camel’s leg
• Lauren’s camel started to kneel down in pain, spin around, and looked like he was going to toss Lauren off.
• Then, the camel guy started whipping the crap out of HER camel for not standing up, even though MINE was still biting hers!
• All of a sudden I heard Lauren yell, “OWW!”
• Adam and I started yelling to Lauren, “get down, jump, get the hell out of there!”  I think we both knew that she was about to get bucked off and go flying through the air at any second.
• The camel dude finally realized that my camel was the one being the asshole, and started whipping my camel, so he would let go.
• Lauren took a leap of faith and jumped off her camel.  I think she started running away before her feet even hit the ground!
• Adam immediately jumped off his camel to check on Lauren.  Keep in mind that the top of a camel’s back is 7 feet off the ground!  He was flying through the air like a ninja warrior!
• My camel finally let go, and all three of these ugly creatures were just standing there in the middle of the desert.  I was the only one still on their camel.  Lauren’s had blood gushing down his leg!
• The camel guy, in broken english, kept saying, “it’s ok, get on” to Lauren and Adam.  They basically told the guy to get bent, and that there was no way that they were getting back on.
• That’s when I decided, “fuck this,” I’m outta here!  I asked the guy as politely as possible to please let me down.  After pleading a few times, I quickly realized that he wasn’t going to let me down.  Then Adam, being the great friend that he is, marched over and repeatedly told the guy to, “get him the fuck down!”  The guy didn’t know much english, so Adam was nice of enough to say it multiple times, in a louder voice, and pointing his finger!  It was a little dose of Good Cop/Bad Cop.  Soon I realized the guy was not going to get me down, so like Adam did earlier . . . . I busted out my own ninja move and jumped off my own 7 foot tall camel!

All of this happened in less than a minute, but it was like slow motion.  As soon as I jumped off, we all decided to abandon our camel ride experience, and just start walking away.  So the three of us began trekking through the desert towards where we were going to meet up with Rachel.  We laughed the whole way back, reminiscing about what we were now calling our “near death experience.”

Rachel soon saw us walking over the horizon and greeted us with a, “What the heck happened?  Where are the camels?”  I just smiled at her and said, “you were right!”

**Remember when Lauren yelled, “OWW!” when she was on her camel?  It’s because she got whacked in the back with the camel dude’s whip!!!  She had a pretty wicked bruise to remind us of our “near death experience!”